Its a boys club. In general, having a career as a mom is like trying to navigate in a all boys club. I get it, I can do anything. I love the fact that in my industry, very few women make it. But, I take to heart that I do get "beat" in the career game by others in my field...because I am Me mom and woman warrior. I carry the weight of my mom guilt. It makes it so hard to climb up that corporate ladder. Yes, we can do anything, but come on, what AREN'T we sacrificing? We are sacrificing our family. Plain and simple.
How do you do it? When you have the undying drive to GO... be the best...not be ordinary, be successful. If I hear a someone say "BALANCE" one more time I will go to the market. Because it is a myth.Just like jeans that make you skinny or fat free lava cake. You can't balance. Is it REALLY meant to be a balance? Are we really supposed to spend 50% of our time at work? Really? Really? ( Bonus points if you count all of the reallys')Our lives just aren't work and family.....or they shouldn't be. Right? Easier said than done.
Its like a boys club. I have a monthly meeting with others in my industry. The fellas gabbed about what fellas gab about (my hubby included) football, golf , bets... . They were all set for a nice lunch and golf after the meeting. Making sure to solidify golf and baseball game plans for the rest of the week. I don't have time for it. How guilt stricken would I feel if I took my afternoons to golf and not be with my kids instead? In and out. In my professional career I have NEVER heard any male co worker say " I hope that my career doesn't hurt the emotional balance of my children" I am not dogging men. Palease....not at all. What I am dogging is the mess that this all is. The deterioration of the family. The HEAVY guilt moms feel for just doing what is expected of them. For trying not to do too much or not to excel too much as to put their childrens emotional state in jeopardy.
Today on XM Catholic radio, I heard (Matthew 25:14-30). All about talent. God gave us ALL talent.Some more than others. To use and to multiply. I feel in my gut, that on most days, I really am making a difference in other peoples lives by continuing to work. Would I be squandering my talent away if I did not continue with my career? If I did nothing with the "gifts" God has given me. God has given me this career. Most of the time I am good at it. I consider it a talent. Its so hard. I long to be with my kids. I do want to help others. I AM LUCKY TO BE EMPLOYED. I plan to stay that way. I'm just saying, we have got to be real. Women can do. But how do we do it all?
6 comments:
I often feel like I'm not doing enough- and I'm with my kids all day!
I think it's crazy how some businesses have social activities for coworkers as if they are all single and free all the time. It's sad when married men or women think they need to participate in all the social opportunities just because their single coworkers do! My husband could hang out with his coworkers all the time, but he chooses his family first.
Another thing to think about- some of the most successful people are the worst people. Sometimes to be really successful you have to ignore your values, morals, family and God. Did you Bill and Hillary Clinton slept in separate rooms even when they first moved into the White House? They "marriage" was a farse from the start! They pretended to be marriage (and still do) for political reasons only. What a way to live!
O.K. now I have to go back to a very boring webinar...
Sarah,
The issue is, going to these events is how they get "ahead" But you are right, you have to make a choice about what is important. You are also right about having to give up who you really are or should be in order to gain such success. I think that's why I have longed to become better at walking my faith journey. Achieving work goals in the end is not as satisfying. But, our secular world tells us otherwise. Thank you so much for sharing...
I relate to what you are saying here...I left my firm before making partner, and now I see other women professionals (some of whom I either hired or mentored) zooming past me while I stay at home and make play doh. I was in a position where I couldn't say no to the extras, so I struck out on my own even though it meant losing the cloak of professional respect that my firm affiliation afforded me. Hang tough in knowing that anything you suffer for your faith will be rewarded!
Thank you Mama Bear. So hard isnt though? Everything you wrote is what is happening now... I am working, just not at full throttle :) So reassuring to hear from others who have made the choice to put family first. Our secular world doesnt value this as much...
It's like a little part of you dies each time, right? Maybe a not so little part? The further along I get in motherhood the more time I want with my family, but that comes at such a great price to the life I was pursuing before I became a mom. Now and then the world flatters us, calls to us, makes attractive offers, if we will just give more of ourselves and more of our time. Is it God calling us to serve the world in ways additional to our calling as mothers? Or is it sinful pride, love of flattery & power meant to distract us? Maybe it is a bit of both, which is why we end up feeling so confused. Anyway, I increasingly think the "perfect balance" is a myth, like you alluded. Give me a break and pass me an aspirin. I need to focus more on finding my contentment in the Lord, less in my status in the world and other people's opinion of me. I'm ashamed to say it is harder to do that that I would have expected.
Queen B,
Again, thank you for being so honest to me about your feelings. It helps so much. To know that I am not the only one... which I know. But, knowing that other Catholic mamas are in this struggle. The good news is that our problems vary the way to fix them and get peace is thru God. I just am so blessed that we all share how we are trying to do it.
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